Fiske's list of government instated rules
by NinjaGreen13
Summary: Let's face it, Fiske knows nothing about kids. Luckily or not so luckily Dan has created a list "Government instated rules" to help Fiske. Is he smart enough to know Dan's lying? Probably not.
1. Chapter 1

**Salutations nerds and not so nerds!**

**It's my first story! And cue the music!**

**Hope you love it and now for my first disclaimer!**

**Me:Nellie your awesome so you get to do the first disclaimer!**

**Nellie:I got the mooooooooves like Jagger!**

**Me:(Grabs ipod) Do the disclaimer!**

**Nellie:Can I sing it?**

**Me:Hell Yeah!**

**Nellie:Ninjaaaaa! Doesn't ooown the 39 Cluuuueeeeees! Or faaaaancy french cooking schoools!**

**Me: Okay, okay! Go sing over there or your not going!**

**Nellie:Jeez, everybody's a critic!**

**Me:Yay! Story time!**

****

It was a cool Fall day and the Cahills, Nellie, and Fiske had just moved into Grace's Guest house and were eager to start rebuilding Grace's mansion. Fiske sat there drinking his tea and reading the paper. All though loved Amy and Dan he wasn't sure about this whole Guardian thing with Nellie. After all he had been in hiding for years and knew nothing about taking care of kids let alone what they were like now a days.

He was just about to read the weather forecast when Dan appeared. "Hey Fiske!" he greeted. "Do you need something?" he asked. "No, I was just wondering if you got me the new Ninja Fortress game yet." "No, you already have the 1st one." "Oh, I guess you didn't know it was mandatory." "Mandatory? Says who?" he asked slightly confused. " The Government", he replied smoothly, "Didn't you get a list of mandatory things kids need?" "No, I didn't know their was one" replied a now confused Fiske. "Well maybe you'll get it later" Dan said a little to nicely before leaving.

Hmm, Fiske thought things sure have changed. Is it normal for kids to sound overly nice?

****

As soon as Dan left he ran to his lap top and began typing. "Cherry Garcia Ice cream must be given to kids twice an hour..." he mumbled. Nellie and Amy who had been standing out side listening to Dan burst into the room. "I knew it!" Amy said, "Your trying to get Fiske to fall for your list of ridiculous demands aren't you?" "All I'm doing is helping Fiske be a better parent." "By lying?" Nellie questioned. "Think of it as telling the truth with lies sprinkled here and there and no truth." Dan said smugly. "Daniel Arthur Cahill stop this right now and go confess to Fiske immediately!" "Your not the boss of me miss know-it-all!" Dan yelled. "Hold it!" Nellie said. "I'm in charge and I say if I can make a few suggestions then this is perfectly okay with me!" "You two are unbelievable!" Amy said. "Just think about it" Dan said, "**Any thing** you want." Well, um, a... maybe just one thing." That's the spirit!" Nellie cried.

****

Later Dan Approached Fiske with an official looking document. "Here it is starting with #1" Dan said. "Are you sure this is correct?" Fiske said Flipping through the pages. "Of course it, is things have changed a lot." Dan replied. "Let's see the first rule"

**1. If their are 2 guardians one must be sent to the Academy of Culinary Arts in France for a month**

"Um is this right? Isn't it kind of convenient that this is the same place Nellie wanted to go?" "No of course not probably just a coincidence." Dan suggested. "Any ways I'll let you read it." And with that he skipped off. Well, Fiske thought I guess I should tell Nellie the news. And that Dan was skipping so he can get checked by the doctor to see if he is isn't crazy. I sure have a lot to learn.

****

***Confetti cannons burst***

**Yay! My First chapter EVER-ever-ever-ever-ever...**

**Any ways plz tell me what you think. People are welcome to point out grammar and spelling mistakes. Though I blame it on auto correct and Canadian spelling. Please review even if it is just to say you loved it or hated it. Should I continue? Remember to check my contest out!**

**Ninja**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi it's ninja! So I didn't get many reviews but the traffic stats are so awesome it makes up entirely. I never thought so many people would read this. Not only from the USA and Canada but but also Australia, Malaysia, Singapore, Japan, Philippines, Israel, New Zealand, UK, and India. You guys are amazing!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the 39 clues or Ben and Jerry's cherry garcia ice cream.**

****

**2. Cherry Garcia has amazing health benefits give it to them every 2 hours**

After Nellie was dropped off at the airport Fiske went to pick up the ice cream but when he found out he spent $956.00 on ice cream he almost had a heart attack. To save money he signed up for the rewards program and left the store.

At home Dan was having the time of his life Fiske brought home so much ice cream it took up the whole freezer and half of the floor. He immediately grabbed a container and ran off with a spoon. Fiske however wasn't having a good time as soon as he sat down to drink his coffee the timer went off again to scoop more ice cream. By the end of the day he had to drop off the garbage at the dump him self because the garbage was so full.

During the night Fiske kept hearing a thumping noise and something that strangely sounded like a vibrating cow from Dan's room.

_Thump...Mo-o-o-se ...Thump...Potato-tato-tato muffins...Thump...Chicken-icken-icken Noodle soup...Thump...grrrrrllfh...Thump_

After what seemed like 10 minutes of sleep Fiske's alarm clock went off. He dragged him self out of bed to see what Dan had been doing. When he got to Dan's room he saw that their was Ice cream containers covering every inch of the floor and Dan was wide awake still on a sugar high jumping from his bed to his desk to is dresser to his night stand and all over again.

"He-e-e-ey Fiske flakes how-ow-ow is it going-g-g-g"

"Dan were you doing this all night? And are you vibrating?"

"I guess-ess-ess I-I-I am-m-m-m"

"Well then get dressed and come down for your Cherry Garcia i-"

Before he could finish Dan bolted out of the room and he slid face first down the stairs and all Fiske heard was: "Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!" and then a thumping noise.

Dan was like that all day jumping all over the place, vibrating, occasionally screaming "Lama" or "purple cheese", and breaking various things like the window, Fiske's new computer, the window in the basement, Nellie expensive new set of plates, the window in Amy's room, the sprinkler system, the window in the foyer, the window on the car, and the window in the bathroom.

By the time the window repair man had come back 6 times and Fiske had recovered after fainting from hearing the prices the repair man charged it was night time and Dan had settled down. Except for the fact that he was still shaking and he had spent 20 minutes in the bathroom throwing up pink lumps.

Fiske realized that he had run out of Ice cream and Advil so he took Dan and Amy out to Ben and Jerry's for dinner. He wasn't worried about Dan who was rushing in and out of the washroom but he was more concerned for Amy who had refused any of the ice cream.

" But Amy you haven't ate any ice cream."

"I don't want any"

"But what will the doctor say?"

"I _really_ don't want any."

"All you've ate today was eggs, vegetable soup, and stir fry."

"I _really, really _don't want any._"_

_"_Well if you refuse to eat any ice cream your not allowed to eat any vegetables for the next week until you finish your ice cream."

"Oh come on! That isn't fair your not mad at Dan but your mad at me for eating vegetables! You know how ridiculous you sound?"

"Mind your manners young lady. Dan is being a good example he's eating all of his ice cream and none of his vegetables so he can grow big and healthy!"

"But-"

"No buts. End of discussion."

"Yes Fiske."

****

Several weeks later Dan was turning pink so Fiske took him to a doctor.

After the doctor had finished examining he asked a few questions.

"What have you been eating?"

"Ice cream."

"That's it?"

"Sure is."

"Tell me, what has your recent activities included?"

"Vibrating, jumping around, yelling out: "corn cake bears", breaking windows, and throwing up pink lumps."

"I see..."

"Well, how is he doctor?"

"Hmm, yaa, hmm, eee, gfrh... He has a rare case of extreme ice cream ingestion."

"Ice cream ingestion? I thought that ice cream was good for you."

"No, ice cream is no-"

At that moment Dan slipped a $20 bill into his hand.

"Yes ice ceam is very good for you but you might want to slow it down a bit."

"Sure thing doc."

****

Later at home Fiske was watching TV and everything was perfect. The house was quiet and he no longer had to buy any more ice cream. How ever the door bell rang. A man dressed as a moose was standing right infront of him.

"Excuse me, but are you Fiske Cahill?", asked a slightly nasaly voice.

"Yesss?"

"Well congratulations! *yuk* *yuk* You signed up for the ice cream club and you just won member of the month by buying the most ice cream."

"This does not look good for my credit card bill."

"Well, on behalf of Monty the moose and everyone at the ice cream club I would like to award you with this non refundable or give awayable free Cherry Garcia ice cream that is enough to last a family of 10 for a year!"

At that moment a large truck came along and dumped containers of ice cream on the front yard and left. Their was hardly any room to leave the front door.

"Congratulations!"

And with that the man pushed his way through the containers of ice cream and left a Fiske who was now having a mental spaz.

****

**Yes I did it!**

**So any ways plz plz plz review because I am not posting a new chapter till my story has 9 reviews in total so if you want a new chapter do your part and review!**

**Also if you ever have an idea for rules plz feel free to make suggestions.**

**Remember my contest is still open and so far I have 2 entries and hopefully 1 more coming as far as I've heard so get writing!**

**Remember to review, suggest and write!**

**Ninja**

**Also in the reviews please state whether you think a unicorn or a pegasus is better.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Hey Hey! So I haven't got 9 reviews in total yet and I guess I kinda decided to post a new chapter cause I couldn't stand waiting so here you go!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the 39 Clues.**

****

** recommend 60 minutes of exercise a day. Why not install a trampoline on the roof?**

"Um, Dan?" whispered a nervous Amy.

"What is it this time Nerd? Is this not exciting enough because their's no museums? Or maybe because this plan doesn't involve reading the Encyclopedia or the dictionary?"

"Quit being such a dweeb! Don't you think it's a little dangerous to put a trampoline on the roof?"

"Don't worry it's only one story high! Besides, it's only the guest house!"

"Well we don't want to go back to the emergency room for "only your second cast this year!""

"Yes but this is getting to dangerous. I think we should tell Fiske because lying isn't right."

"Don't be such a goody two shoes! The fun's only started and if you do tell him your part of the list won't be full filled."

"I am really going to regret this" Amy muttered.

"Okay Dan the trampoline is all set and ready you can come up now and try it!" Fiske called.

Dan quickly scampered up the ladder and onto the roof. The trampoline covered practically the whole roof. Dan had never seen anything more glorious in his life. Fiske had never seen anything so dangerous in his life how ever if the government insisted on it, it had to be safe.

"You know Dan, when I was a kid we just went outside and played sports."

"Fiske, Fiske, Fiske, times have changed my friend. Why do you think they have this book? For making origami?"

"Actually I made some very nice cranes out of it but the point is we're going to have to take some safety precautions."

"Seriously? I'll stay in the middle of the trampoline! And their's piles of ice cream covering the front yard."

"Well, you at least need a helmet, and some elbow, knee, wrist, and neck guards. Perhaps a mouth guard too."

"Great! What's next? Bubble wrap?"

"Hmm..."

"No way! I'm only kidding! You're not serious about this! Are you?"

"Hmm..."

****

"Oh, he was serious. Amy, HELP ME!"

"Sorry Dan but it's for your own good. I have exams to study for and I'm not sitting in the hospital for 4 hours. Again."

"But Amy, I can't breathe. Child cruelty!"

"Hold still Dan one more layer." Fiske said as he added another 5 inches on to the thick layer of bubble wrap and duct tape.

"Now just for this safety cord and ... your done! Now I'm going to the grocery store and Amy is inside with some boy named Evan studying if you need something so have a good time."

When Fiske left Dan tried jumping but he could barely move. So as soon as he was out of sight he started to take off the safety cord and the bubble wrap and threw them down to the ground. He then started jumping he tried doing summer salts and flips getting higher and higher and faster and faster.

****

Inside their was a thumping noise on the roof. "Dan" she thought. Everything had been going great up until this moment. She was going to Ace her exams, the new special about Winston Churchill was on the History channel later, she had the whole house to her self, Evan her crush since her first day back at school was just inches away from her, and of course her dweeby little brother was gone. Well, not gone but at least not here wrecking this moment. Or so she thought. Evan just came back from the washroom and had a few concerns.

"Um, Amy their is a loud banging sound on the roof, the ceiling is cracking, their is Cherry Garcia ice cream in the bathtub and it's raining bubble wrap."

"Evan I can expla-"

"_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"_

"And their's a screaming chipmunk outside."

"And I can explain that on the way to the Emergency room."

****

Dan was jumping higher and higher. "I can see the skate board park from here" he thought while moving toward the edge of the roof.

"Is that an Ice Cream tru-"_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"_

It was too late. Dan had fallen off the roof right into the ice cream on the front yard. When he woke up he saw Monty the moose and a beaver.

"Monty? Is that you? It's me, Dan!" Then he blacked out.

"Sorry, Evan I'll explain later. Help him up while I call Fiske."

****

After 3 hours Dan finally woke up with a purple cast and Monty, the beaver, and Fiske were staring at him.

"Oh, hey Fiske! Where did Monty and the beaver come from?"

"Excuse, me Amy but why don't you guys go down stairs and get some doughnuts or something." said Fiske as he handed them a $20 bill.

When they left Fiske started to ask Dan a few questions but Dan was still drowsy.

"How are you feeling?"

"Hey!", Dan said just realizing Amy and Evan had just left, "Where's the beaver and Monty?"

"That's not Monty and a beaver that was Evan and Amy."

"Oh! I forgot!"

"So do you remember how you got this cast?"

"Swimming."

"No you were on a trampoline on the roof."

"Swimming."

"No you weren't."

"No! Fishies are swimming on the ceiling."

"Any ways, why weren't you wearing your bubble wrap?"

"Chunky Monkeys!"

****

Amy and Evan were just back with a box of doughnuts and Amy was just explaining to Evan what had happened.

"I'm really sorry about this."

"No it's fine."

Right when they were about to go go into the room they heard Fiske yelling.

"WHY WEREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR BUBBLE WRAP?"

"FUNKY CHUNKY MONKEYS!"

"About that Evan-"

"Don't worry I don't want to know"

Fiske walked out of the room with Dan like nothing was wrong.

"I think we should take Dan home."

"Can Amy come over for dinner ?"

"Sure I'll pick you up at 8 okay?"

"'Kay, bye Fiske!"

"Good Bye Monty and Beaver! Why didn't the beaver say bye to me too Fiske?"

"Okay Dan let's go."

****

A few days later Dan was back to normal and was watching TV when Amy approached him.

"You know Dan, are you sure you don't want to tell Fiske?"

"Just let it go besides it's your idea on that list next."

"Amy! Dan! We have a special guest here to see you!"

****

**4. It is a very good idea to have an author come in and discuss their books with kids.**

Pershing was as old as the world its self. But since Amy thought she had come up with a great rule and Fiske was all for this idea since it apparently sounded "Intellectually Stimulating" and since Dan couldn't do any thing else he was stuck here. Dan was pretty sure know one had ever heard of books like "Agriculture for the Pilgrims of Meadow Dale Valley in the year 1598" or "Let's print a book like our ancestors!". Amy was taking every word in of her "fascinating stories and discoveries". Dan checked his watch 11:32 a.m.! Only 2 minutes of this 3 hour talk. "Note to self, Never let Amy help you again!"

****

**So I'm done! Please remember to review! This time I won't update until I have 15 reviews in total so review, review, review!**

**Also My contest is still going and the deadline is July 1st I believe so get writing!**

**This time tell me what your favourite flavour of ice cream is!**

**Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review Review**

**Ninja**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello fans of fiction I am back with another chapter so I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the 39 Clues or giant mega ultra real 3D flat screen tv's**

****

**5. Exercise not working? Why not try a safe and educational alternative? Giant mega ultra real 3D flat screen tv's**

Fiske was starting to wear out of taking care of Dan. He didn't remember kids being this much trouble. Dan was very quiet while listening to Agleberta talk so he decided if that kept him quiet then maybe one of those fancy new glowing picture boxes or or giant mega ultra real 3D flat screen tv's as they called them could keep him quiet. After all the government did recommend it and Fiske never watched tv when he was a kid and his friends used to describe it as a magical box that could make you stay fascinated for hours. So how bad could it be? If he could even set it up.

"Is it ready yet Fiske?", A bored Dan called out for the millionth time.

"No now stop bugging me."

"You know Fiske on the box it says they have senior assistance if you can't get"

"Senior assistance? Do you really think I'm that old?"

"Well your not exactly a spring chick."

"Excuse me but I'll have you know my gang members said I was a pretty cool cat."

"First off your "gang" Is just your book club. Secondly no one who is cool says that."

"Can you just go outside."

"Fine."

****

As soon as Dan had left Fiske called senior assistance for help and they managed to get the tv up before Dan could even notice they came. Dan was ecstatic when he saw it up. It was so big it covered the whole wall, was thin as a piece of cardboard, and was as 3D as life itself.

The first thing Dan did was whip on the glassed and started watching while Fiske took a nap.

Or at least tried to with all the sounds Dan was making.

"OH WOW!"

"THIS IS SO 3D!"

"Ooooooooo"

"Aaaaaaaa"

"Aaaaaaaayyyyy"

"Wow look at the red power ranger go!"

"Come on green one finish him off!"

It went on for hours...

"Man so many channels!"

"So 3D!"

"So big!"

"So flat"

And hours...

"Go! Go! Samurai!"

"Ninja Attack!"

"Hey, Wrestling!"

"Right to the head!"

"Come on you call that fighting? Fiske could do better and he's old."

And hours...

"Pikachu, I choose you!"

"Use lightning bolt!"

"Look team rocket!"

Untill...

"No Dora go right-"

"DAN!"

"Yes Fiske?"

"It's 4 in the morning go to sleep."

"Okay just wait they're almost at big hi-"

"NOW!"

"Fine."

****

If Fiske had read the warnings on the box then he would of known long term use of the tv and glasses would cause dizziness, nausea, sugar rushes, and illusions. And if he had read the paper then he would have seen the recall sign for the defective tv. But sadly he didn't and needles to say Dan suffered the consequences.

As soon as Dan took the glasses of he started to feel dizzy the whole room was spinning and he get like vomiting. Everything was popping out at him as soon as he stood up and he started to get nervous energy building up inside of him and just as he was about to run the floor melt and and the ceiling slanted everything was purple and time had slowed down. Then he fell through the floor and into a huge mat but not just any mat. A wrestling mat to be exact. The whole room was rippling as coloured figures stepped out of the ripples. Each had a sword and a mask and came straight for him He ran straight past them and they disappeared into a cloud of yellow smoke. Suddenly he heard a rumbling sound and out of the smoke stepped a 20ft Pikachu. Dan couldn't move or say anything as it walked up to him. But it stopped before him and turned around because there on his back was 10ft Dora laughing histeracly with froth coming out of it's mouth.

"Wake up Dan! Hahahahahahah!"

"Wake up! Wake up!

That moment Dan woke up in the with Amy leaving over him

"DORA!", he screamed.

"Look who's up."

"Where am I?"

"The hospital, those giant mega ultra 3D flat screen tv's came with all sorts of issues and they got recalled back. When you were walking to down the hall you were having illusions that's when you hit your head on the door and Passed out. This morning we found you unconscious so we took you to the ER.

"Where's Fiske?"

"At home with the senior assistance guy taking down the tv."

The doctor walked in the same one who gave Dan his cast and his other treatments. Dan had seen him so many times they even started to send him Christmas cards.

"Okay Dan you can leave. Again."

"Hey Frank."

"You can go now."

"Twice in one week that's gotta be a record."

"Please leave."

"Guess I'll see you next week."

"I hope not."

****

**How was it? Better? Worse?**

**Please let me know what you thought and if you have any comments or suggestions.**

**This week's question is: Their's an awkward silence in a group of strangers that you've never met before but according to your mom they're friendly. What do you say?**

**Ninja**


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